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10 Things I Learned Watching All of Seinfeld
1. Jerry never goes to Elaine’s apartment in the whole entire series. George goes once or twice to get something he wants from her, but Jerry doesn’t ever go. Do you have friends like this? It’s...
View ArticleA Thing I Liked
It was a glamorous spring day. The gold star in Mrs. Allen's window gleamed in the light. The apple trees in the Hancock's yard had burst into bloom. Elsie Carter came riding down the boulevard...
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I Went to Europe for 2 Weeks Last September: A Practical Guide w/ Instagrams
Locations: Geneva and Montreux in Switzerland, Chamonix and Avingnon in France, with some day trips to places like Gruyères, Marseille and Nîmes. Fuck Ups: Had some issues with my legal married name (a...
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Smellfie
This is the best thing I've done with a camera phone in the 10 years that I've had one and honestly I can't believe I didn't do it sooner.
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Things I Like RN (Mostly Foods)
I got to binge on a bunch of Steven Universe on a plane and have been obsessed ever since. The show is about a little boy with latent magical powers and three alien ladies who keep watch over him,...
View ArticleWhat Baseball Team Should I Like?
Watching people get super revved up over sports is really hard. They get so invested in games and rules and players, they get tense and emotional and have physical, uninhibited reactions, and I'm...
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Coming Out
It's opening day (mostly) and I'm ready to announce my 2015 Baseball Gang!We did it everyone! We did it. And it was not easy. I want to thank all of my friends for their support during this time. You...
View ArticleA Dang Poem
Wings by Stephen BergIn the modest plot I see themkneeling to pick tomatoes, yanking weeds,squatting between rows of broccoli, squash, beans,Bill’s pulled-back pony tail, Cathy’s fine ass,two sheds...
View ArticleBest Non-Considered UND Mascot Suggestions
The University of North Dakota is currently in the process of retiring and forgetting their old, racist ass nickname. In some bizarre act probably meant to loosely disguise the fact that they already...
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YOU ARE SIXTEEN GOING ON SEVENTEEN
Last week my old friend Catherine sent me a letter I wrote to her after having moved to North Dakota. I mostly grew up in Florida, but a month after I turned 16, in the middle of my sophomore year of...
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A History of Fake Fishing
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I’m not much of a fisherman. This is in spite of growing up by the beach. The thing about fishing is that you can’t swim if people have hooks in the water, and I hate almost nothing...
View ArticleActual Slenderman Probably
Something weird happened to me on Saturday night and I've been wrestling with it and my feelings about what happened, so here's what happened.After a night of beers and a bonfire, at about 3 a.m. I...
View ArticleTime to Forget
For the last few years, once a year (or twice), I find myself surprised that, suddenly, it is my mother's birthday. Or that I've completely forgotten it and it's already passed. Or it's not her...
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I read Great Expectations in a British Lit survey 6 or 7 years ago. Everyone hated it. They all said they hated it in high school and that they hated it then in college, that Charles Dickens was...
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HEALTHY
I'm getting older and that's made me more committed to my health than in previous years when I consisted primarily on things like Bagels and Coffee and Cereal Bars and Domestic Lager. Now, I try to eat...
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Florida by Elizabeth BishopThe state with the prettiest name,the state that floats in brackish water,held together by mangrave rootsthat bear while living oysters in clusters, and when dead strew white...
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On the Fallacy of Adulthood
When I was 19 I thought Jenny Lewis was writing pop songs about teenage love through the more refined lens of an adult who knew better. It was the frothing, consuming, carnal sort of love that...
View ArticleThings from Movies and TV I Think About A Lot
Like many other idiots, the films and musics and televisions that I've consumed throughout my life have come to form the person that I am. When I was a teenager that was like, Amélie. Amélie was me....
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Halloween is Too Scary
Halloween kind of freaks me out because I'm a big huge wiener. I'm scared of ghosts and murderers and demons and aliens every single day of the year, so Halloween really compounds those fears. So, even...
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Gender, Consent, Cartoons
Sometime last year I caught a mini-marathon of Steven Universe. I didn't exactly know what I was watching - why does this kid have a gem in his belly, who are these magical super women, what are these...
View ArticleThe Best Things I Read Recently
"I don’t like the experience of being unconscious and asleep.I don’t like feeling dead for seven hours. I don’t like the feeling of nothingness, so I don’t like this idea of waking up and you’re at...
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Top Five Favorite Fish
A Manta Ray is a large fish that is named after bats, blankets and the devil. They can grow very large, as large as my living room, and I've seen photos of divers skitching on them which is pretty...
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Interview Questions for Leonardo DiCaprio
What was Gisele like? Because she seems like a pretty chill person. Not fun, exactly, like I bet she never drinks more than half a glass of white wine maybe once a month, but I feel like there are some...
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Short Talks: On the Moon
On MoonlightThe sun is the light she borrows to illuminate us. We are the shadow we inflict upon her. On the Terminator The moon is lit and unlit and sometimes it is fully lit and sometimes it is...
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Types of Mushrooms
ChanterelleVondelleShirelleDeath CapButtonMorelForest Gherkin Giant Puffball Ramskull Club FootPortobello Cremini PorcinoMoon Shell Pope's NoseFly AgaricEarthstarSeer's Shield OysterNautilus
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